I intend to get homeless drunk
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
