Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
