I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
