doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
