im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
