I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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