so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
as a side note pls kill me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
