moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
