My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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