im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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