I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
