I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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