1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
