i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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