Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
