Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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