when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
