better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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