Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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