i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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