UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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