he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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