wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
