Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
