I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
