so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
