Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
