3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
