I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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