If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
