had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
