You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
