im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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