what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
