just tell him i said nine months
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
