Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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