the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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