What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
