I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
