ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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