I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
