eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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