I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
