"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
