I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
