I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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