Small penises have feelings too.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
