I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hippo gnu deer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize