i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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