Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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