The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
