next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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