My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
