Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
