She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize