dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
