I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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