Have you finally orgasmed yet?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
