she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
