you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
