This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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