I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
