Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
