I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
