I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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