I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
