I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
