I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im holly from the hills drunk
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
