ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize