mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
True strength comes from lack of pants
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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