one might say we're banned from that church
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
