the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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