forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
