I wanna bring you to show and tell
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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