chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
